Archive for June, 2010

That Red Line Means You’re Lazy

June 25, 2010

Some Internet browsers actually have a built-in spell-check feature. As far as I can tell, it’s the default setting for them.

So, much like in MS Word, when you type an unusual word, or have a typo, or a misspelled word, the spell-check feature will underline that word in red.

Neat, huh? So why the HELL are there so many online posts with typos and misspelled words?

Some people can barely post TWO words without a typo or a misspelling.

Others, by not using punctuation or initial caps, and including multiple typos, “Text message” abbreviations and “Internet spelling,” produce messages that look, at best, like some kind of stenographer’s shorthand, or at worst, like they type with their feet.

“But it’s just the Internet.” (See my earlier post for comment on this.)

It’s LAZY. And you can’t convince me that some who is that lazy online is that fastidious off-line.

Lazy is lazy. Or, if you are one of the people I’m talking about, it’s “Layz,” “Layze” or or maybe even “LA-Z.”

(By the way, while I strive to always spell-check and proofread, sometimes errors get by me. It’s tough to proof your own copy- especially if it’s more than just a few lines. So if you catch an error, a typo, let me know. I’ll fix it. I’m that way. But please note that some grammar and spelling is purposely not correct –for effect or to make a point.)

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With This Ring, I Thee…What?

June 19, 2010

Marriage is construct that’s in direct opposition with our animal instincts.

Few animals mate for life because natural instinct dictates that their biological imperative is to spread their genetic material with multiple mates in order to propagate their species.

Of course this kind of behavior in higher, reasoning species who are part of society causes problems. Envy, jealousy, and conflicts tend to arise.

Plus, there are issues about housing, division and sharing of resources and raising children. So, a very long time ago, some wise, religious leader figured out that promoting monogamous relationships would create a more harmonious, prosperous condition for everyone.

Plus, if he told people that a higher power spoke to him and told him that’s how it should be – lest you incur the wrath of that higher power – people would actually do it.

But even as the institution of marriage was created and evolved, it integrated reminders of our true, animal nature. Like wedding rings, for example.

Women’s engagement rings and wedding rings are expensive and showy. They say to the world, and specifically other men, “I am in a committed relationship with someone. I am not available to you.”

Plus, depending on how expensive the ring appears to be, also tells other men just how prosperous their spouse might be in relation to any potential suitor. It sorta says: “You must be wealthier than THIS to even attempt to tempt me away from my spouse.”

Some of this tradition surely comes from a time when women were regarded more as property acquisitions or family treaties than an equal partner.

Men’s wedding rings are traditionally plain and not showy. (I said, traditionally, Guido.)

This is because they are not there to show other women that this man is in a committed relationship with a particular woman. It is there to REMIND the man that he is in a committed relationship with a particular woman.

Kinda like a string tied around the finger to help you remember something.

Thousands of years into our social evolution, men are still fighting that natural instinct to seek out multiple mates. It’s biology that also makes us notice healthy, good-looking women that may be younger than we are. After all, men remain capable of their half of the reproductive equation well past the age that women are able to successfully bear children.

Cultures that are more in-tune with their animal instincts may also have measures of relative attractiveness for women that are directly related to reproduction, like large breasts or large “child-bearing” hips and buttocks.

Biology makes them catch our eye, but socialization makes us not turn our head.

And those rings on women’s and men’s fingers remind MEN to resist our animal instincts.

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Spellcheck That Tattoo, Dude.

June 19, 2010

When does writing start to “matter?”

On more than a few occasions, people have commented about my frustration with poor online grammar and spelling.

“Why do you get so upset?”  “Relax, it’s only the Internet.”

Hmmm.

Ok.  Let’s say that you’re writing a short note to your roommate or spouse to let him or her know that you drank the last of the orange juice.

You might grab a scrap of paper and write, “Were out of OJ,” and attach it to the ‘fridge.

Now, if we were to re-write that sentence using proper grammar and spelling, it would say, “We’re out of O.J.”

But we really don’t need to do that. After all, the communication is casual, it is intended for only one person and the intended recipient is familiar.  Also, the meaning is quite clear and the note is ephemeral  – it will only be on the ‘fridge for a very short time.

Instant messaging and then text messaging by phone created a similar form of quick, casual communication. Because messages were quick, temporary exchanges, between friends, and in the case of texting via phone, done on the go, punctuation, grammar and spelling took a backseat to brevity.

A shorthand developed – with abbreviations – brb = be right back, omw= on my way, btw= by the way, and so on.   “You” became “u,” “Too” and “to” became “2,” etc.

Just like that quickly written, temporary note on the refrigerator, these exchanges are casual, very ephemeral communications between close associates.  So very informal language is appropriate.

Postings on the Internet, on the other hand, are a bit different.

Depending on where you are posting and what your privacy/viewing settings may be, your post may be read by all of your friends, all of your friends’ friends, people who receive it via forward or repost and also, complete strangers.

Posting something online in public forum definitely exposes your writing to a much larger audience, made up of mostly strangers.

So this communication is not casual. And not temporary or fleeting, either.  Things posted on the Web, in theory, stay there forever.

In that permanence, it’s a lot like a tattoo.  And you’d think that someone inking a tattoo would want to be more aware of proper spelling than someone who’s just writing in the sand on a beach.

But, no.   There are plenty of misspelled tattoos out in the world.  They’re also posted in galleries on the Internet. http://www.oddee.com/item_96504.aspx

Why are misspelled tattoos so funny?  Because they are public and permanent.

And, in a way, so are your posts on the Internet.

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I Know Who Will Replace Simon Cowell On “American Idol”

June 12, 2010

As you probably know, this was Simon Cowell’s last season on “American Idol.”

Next year, there will be someone new sitting in his judge’s chair, and Idol fans are all abuzz about whom it might be.

Buzz no more. I know who it will be. SPOILER ALERT!

It will be a “mean” British guy.

The show has a formula and it has been quite popular so far, so why mess with success, right?

Americans believe that British people are automatically somehow “better” than us or at least “think” they are better. You know, with all that uppity speaking English correctly and all that.

So he’ll have to be British.

And he’ll have to be “mean.”

True, Simon played a character and embellished his criticisms to play to his TV audience, but the fact remains that in most cases, he was just being honest.

And “honest,” in the age of tee-ball sensitivity, is mean.

“Tee-ball sensitivity” is how I describe the current belief that any criticism of young people is far too harsh.

Currently, in tee-ball, all the kids get to run the bases, whether they had a home-run hit or not. Teams don’t keep score and every player gets a trophy at the end of the season.

The game is meant to teach the rudimentary concepts and skills of baseball. It skips, however, the basic concepts of greater and lesser players and winning and losing.

“If you at least tried, you did a good job.” ARRGH!

When kids graduate to playing real baseball, scores are kept and teams win and lose. But some of the thinking of tee-ball follows these kids for a very long time.

Flash-forward to “American Idol” try outs, in which hundreds of contestants are rejected because they are completely and undeniably terrible singers.

Some are so awful, and so delusional, that they are put through to try out in front of Simon and the gang. That’s because the drama makes for engaging television, and — let’s be honest –it’s fun to make fun of some people.

“But my mother and my grandmother say I sing like an angel! ” they say. Or “That Simon is wrong! (Bleepity Bleep Bleep) I’ll show him!  All my friends say I sing good!”

These people came to be this way because no one wanted to offer anything less than complete encouragement to them, even at the expense of honesty.

Now switch over to community theater. Community theater, by and large, is attended by friends and family of the cast and senior citizens.

I enjoy theater. I have friends who do community theater. As a good friend, I will sometimes attend a performance to see my friends and feel like I’m supporting the arts.

On one such excursion, I was disappointed to find myself at a rather lackluster performance. Even my friend did not deliver a good performance in this mess of a production. Yet, when the final curtain fell and then rose again for the cast to give their bows, the crowd of assembled seniors were on their feet with thunderous applause.

(Applause is polite and is required. A standing ovation for a crummy show is not.)

I applauded politely, but did not stand.

Later, while making my exit, I overheard some of the seniors talking. One complained that one of the actors was hard to hear and understand. Another commented that another actor seemed to forget his lines at one point. The third senior said, “Oh well, I’m just glad to get out of the house.”

Ok, that’s her excuse. What about the rest of these people, these enablers of mediocrity and outright awfulness?

People are so afraid to tread on a person’s fragile little feelings that they may be, in fact, setting them up for a much more harsh and hurtful fall in the future.

Honesty is not “mean.”

If you’re just honest with someone in your assessment of his or her shortcomings or need for improvement, there’s nothing mean about that.

If you embellish your criticism with words intended to be hurtful or unnecessary exaggerations intended to be funny or humiliate the person – that IS mean.

(That’s nearly the very definition of mean.)

Now if you’re just simply honest, with no intent of malice and the person you’re evaluating tells you that you’re mean…

Just hand them a trophy and tell them that they can run all the bases.

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